


Little Lights

by Finally_Facing_Failure



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: All The Little Lights, Childhood Friends, Chris Kendall - Freeform, Depression, Falling In Love, M/M, PJ Liguori - Freeform, Phil's Mom, louise Pentland - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:04:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8096152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finally_Facing_Failure/pseuds/Finally_Facing_Failure
Summary: ~Based on Passenger's All The Little Lights~Dan and Phil were friends when they were little, and they had a theory about happiness...Now they haven't spoken in years, and Dan doesn't believe in happiness anymore





	

The wind was rustling as the two boys ran toward their little hiding place. They were almost there when the first raindrops of the season started to fall. The boys reached their treehouse before the rain really started to come down hard.

They were giggling, their hands linked, fingers intertwined. Neither of them really cared about the rain, as they had the perfect view of the streets from their beautiful, dry treehouse. From all the way up there they could see the people on the streets rush home. The little children squealed in joy as they jumped into puddles, while their parents ordered them to come back home this instant or else…

The two boys laughed, remembering the times they had done just that. After some time they became bored of just watching, so they broke open the snacks and drinks that the black-haired boy’s mother had so carefully packed for them. They were still quiet, not having talked since entering their sacred little place. They stared into each other’s eyes until the brown haired boy broke the eye contact with a shy smile. The other boy giggled and looked outside again.  
The only people still on the streets were adults, in a hurry to go home, some carrying umbrella’s, others not. They weren’t so joyful about the weather, as the brown haired boy noted.

“I have a theory about that, want to hear?” The other boy said.  
“Yeah sure Philly!” The boy first smiled.

“Inside our tummy’s, above our stomach but just below our hart, there is a tiny little place. In that place are lights, really pretty ones. Everyone is born with thousands of them and that’s why children are so happy most of the time!  
The lights break down though, because every light is something that makes you happy. Like… Like my momma’s soup! And ice cream and dancing and family and friends! The happiest things shine the brightest, so I’ve got a really bright one for you in my tummy, Dan!” Phil said.

Dan smiled and squeezed Phil’s hand. “But what happens when you’re older? Why are only little kids happy?”  
“I think it’s because things that are happy go away sometimes. Like your papa and my cat. They are gone so their light is also. And sometimes lights go out because they don’t make you so happy anymore. That is why old people can be so grumpy: their Lights are out!”  
“My Nana isn’t grumpy!”

“Well then she must have some lights left! Cos when your lights are all gone, you die. That is why you die when you’re old and unhappy. And some little kids die too, because their lights are out, even though they don’t want them to be.” Phil said, speaking like he was telling his darkest secret.  
“Wow. But what if my lights go out?” Dan said, scared.  
“Don’t worry Dan, if you’re lights are out I’ll help you. Just write me a letter or a note or call me and then I will come to make your lights shine again.”

“Promise?”  
“Promise.”

 

10 years later  
“Hey Mom!” Phil said, throwing his bag on the dining room table.  
“Hello Philip, how was school?” Phil’s mom said, giving him a loving smile from over the edge of her newspaper.  
“Oh it was all right. Louise, PJ and I got an A on our maths project! It was really cool, because we had to take this equation and rewrite it so that…” Phil trailed off as he realised his mom wasn’t paying attention, but instead staring at the paper with a horrified look in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh my! This is terrible! Miss Howell from across the street recently passed away! Oh that poor Daniel! Losing his father when he was four and now at eighteen he loses his mother!”  
“Oh, yeah… I guess he has to live with his aunt and uncle across town now.” Phil said. He tried to keep his tone flat and emotionless, but truth was he hated hearing this. Dan used to be his best friend, but they lost contact when they were teenagers. Phil never really understood, but he figured Dan didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.  
“Phil! That is not how I raised you! Do you not care at all that your best friend’s mom passed away?” His mother said, looking shocked.

“We’re not friends anymore…” Phil mumbled, escaping upstairs to his bedroom. He got out his notebook and started writing, like he always did when he was upset.

I cared, of course I did. How could I not? This was the boy I grew up with. His eyes were the ones I stared into all day. His hands I used to hold, his smile I tried to match. He had my heart, every part of it. But he left. He left and so did I. We went, and we stopped staring. We made new friends and we stopped holding on. I was still lonely (and broken), but I matched his emotionless face when we passed each other in the hallways of our school.

Phil closed his notebook. He had about a thousand passages like this now. They were mostly from when he was younger and the ache of missing his friend was still fresh. Over the last few years he’d written less, but the words never lost their meaning. The fact he still had a notebook dedicated to the pain sort of proved that.  
Phil sighed as he decided to start on his homework. He worked until he was done, which was new. Usually he’d procrastinate until right before dinner, and end up doing it around midnight. He went about his day as he always did, his mom and him both deciding to forget their little falling out for now. It was almost time for him to go to bed, when he noticed a text from an unknown number.  
I think my lights went out. Please come meet me. -DH

 

Dan was sitting inside the old treehouse with music turned up so loud he couldn’t hear himself think. That was, of course, exactly what he wanted right now. To not exist inside his mind. To know nothing but the words that his headphones were delivering to him. To forget everything.  
He didn’t think Phil would understand his message, let along actually do as asked, but he had to send it. He had to be here right now, to relive some of his happy days. His only happy days.

He’d always been lonely, with Phil being his only friend. His father died when he was little and now his mom was gone too. He had no one. He didn’t have any friends anymore, though he hang out with Chris from school sometimes. He was lonelier than ever, and he didn’t have anyone to complain to about it. So now he was sitting in an old, shabby treehouse, hoping that the only person that might still give a damn about him would show up. Yeah, the definition of pathetic, and also definitely not going to happen.  
Only it did. Dan only realised this after someone was quite loudly trying to climb the ladder to the treehouse. Phil climbed into the small space of their little treehouse and looked up to him with an honest smile.

“Why did this place seem so huge when we were little?” Phil said.  
“It’s probably because we were so little.” Dan replied, not being able to keep his usual sarcasm at bay.  
It was quiet after that, both of them too awkward to start an actual conversation. Dan didn’t dare look at Phil at first, and when he did he noticed Phil was staring at him. His eyes hadn’t lost their intense colour over the years. Oh how he missed looking into those bright orbs. It seemed like they’d only become brighter since he last stared at them. Dan suddenly realised that all this staring and not speaking might come off as weird, so he cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry.”  
“What for?” Said Phil, frowning.  
“For not speaking to you I guess. I was just pretty messed up, had to get my life in order you know? I didn’t want to screw you up anymore.”

“Dan that is utter crap and you know it. You didn’t screw me up. If you’re referring to the times that you broke down because of family drama or loneliness: that was okay. It is okay. I never minded, it just showed me you trusted me.” The last part was uttered quietly, just loud enough for Dan to hear.

Dan didn’t know what to say. They both knew that he wasn’t hopeless yet, or he would never have texted Phil. Those simple two lines showed that at least a part of him wanted to find a reason to live. The fact that the message consisted of something of their connected childhood only reassured the both of them of that. Being here with Phil made Dan realise he’d missed this, being able to talk to someone so freely. He didn’t understand he was ever willing to let that go. He and Phil had always been on the same wavelength in a way. Phil’s next words proved that he, as always, knew what Dan was thinking.

“I was wrong, you know.”  
“About what?” Dan sighed, closing his eyes.  
“We are born with thousands of little lights inside of us. We are born happy. Throughout your life, your lights start to go out. I used to think that one day, your lights are out and it is over for you, no more life, only death. I was wrong about that Dan. Yes, lights go out and they might never go on again, but we get new ones too! Maybe when small things happen, like when you see something you think is pretty, or when you’re having a nice chat with someone. But I think that sometimes you get lights that will never go out, no matter what happens. Like you have a light for you family that keeps shining, even when you’re fighting with them. I think you have lights for friends, your best memories and the person you love most in this world.” Phil stared at Dan for a while as he smiled softly. He placed a hand on top of Dan’s, which made Dan open his eyes and stare back.  
“Dan, I think that I have a light inside of me that is shining for you. I don’t think it will ever go out, even after I die.”

“Phil… I…” Dan started but he didn’t know what he was trying to say. He stared at Phil, into his beautiful blue/yellow/green-ish eyes and all of the sudden he knew what he had to do to express how he felt. He lunged forward and connected their lips. It was just a soft, sweet kiss, nothing too big, but to Dan it felt like the most wonderful thing he’d ever experienced. He smiled sweetly as he rested his forehead to Phil’s.  
“I think a light just started to shine inside of me”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Thanks so much for reading!  
> This is the first story I wrote that I actually shared, so I hope ya'll enjoyed it :)


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